Let us dress like tramps in the house of the Lord

SO there I was last night, getting ready for Saturday night mass and I start to pull together an outfit based around leggings.
(in case some of you haven't noticed, leggings are back, better than ever)

For church.

What in heck was I thinking? I was seriously surprised that I had even considered such an outfit let alone started to put it on. If my Mother was still alive, she would have blisterd the dumb out of me with one withering look.
You see, I was born at the very tail end of the "matching shoes and purse" era. I was among the last of a generation that ever wore gloves with a hat to church or for any other event that would require our Mothers to put on their better girdles as well as their own matching hats, gloves, shoes and handbags.

We dressed up for almost everything back then. Even travel on a train or a plane, ESPECIALLY a plane required you to be turned out in a stylish and respectful outfit that let people know that you had been "fetched up right".

And here I was about to darken the Lord's door with my butt hanging out in spandex. That would have racked me up a "sin of near occasion" at the very least not to mention causing the ground around my Mother's grave to churn over.

Not that there's a dress code at our local church. Their belief is all about just getting the "asses in the pews" and the rest will follow. After all, isn't it more important that people feel free to come as they are to hear the word of the Lord rather than feeling uncomfortable at being made to dress up and then perhaps just not bothering to show up at all?

The trouble is, most of the congregation seems to be following the path of least resistance and showing up as they would for a back yard BBQ or a morning of garage sales. T-shirts emblazoned with skulls or other less than holy art work, shorts, bare legs...you get the picture.

Feeling comfortable and welcomed is one thing but how about a little respect while you're at it?
If you're going to wear a t-shirt; fine but make it a clean one and maybe not one in which the Lady of Guadalupe is depicted as a skeleton.

Underwear should not be optional. Wear it and be thankful you don't have to put a slip on under it all the way we did back in the day along with the gloves and purses that never stayed clean no matter how careful we were.

I'll be honest; I hated wearing the frilly dresses my Mom picked out for me. She'd be going all Shirley Temple at her polka-dotted, puffed sleeved best while what I really wanted was a sailor
dress like the one below. Infact I did have one and would have happily worn it all the time but Mom said that I looked like an escapee from the Von Tramp Family Singers and would hide it from time to time just to get me to vary my wardrobe.

I guess it could have been worse. I could have been a boy and then she'd really have given me something to howl about by dressing me like the poor soul pictured below:

Say, if you're wondering where I'm getting these great old catalog images, stroll over to:
and take a trip down memory lane. From the 30's to the 80's, the Christmas of your childhood dreams is on parade.
Having a fondness for dolls, of course the first section I always go to is the doll part and that's where I found this little lady:
Yes, this baby doll is ASKING you to spank her. The manufacturer has even gone as far to stitch directions for where your hand should go, right on the ol' fanny where it says, "Here".
And watch groups thought "Tickle me Elmo" promoted potential violence???
Of course I went right over to ebay to see if anyone was selling this little gem of a bygone era but so far, no luck. What a conversation piece THAT would be!
Just do me a favor; if you're thinking that an adult version of this outfit would make for a swell Holloween costume, fine! Go for it along with some gin in that baby bottle.
Just don't wear it to church.


  1. I appreciate the feeling that one should be presentable at church and agree that it is highly important. We are going to worship and should put some time into preparing ourselves, mentally and physically. However, one might consider the other side of the coin. There are instances where the appearance/impression given is not intended.



  2. Thanks for the comments. This being LA however, trust me, the appearance/impression is intended.

  3. It took a little while for the spank-me doll idea to sink in...great post! I feel inspired to step it up a little.

  4. I think you've given us something to think about. I know that the term "Sunday best" is falling out of our vocabulary altogether. There's a happy me3dium between dressing for the prom and looking like you just came in from slopping the hogs.